A short short time ago
Life was flying by so fast
No time for anything
Then lockdown handed me my chance

I was finally going to write a book
Learn how to mix cocktails and to cook
I was going to lose weight and get so fit
Spend some quality time with the wife and kids.

I would do a course in computer code
Invoice all of the money that I’m owed
Study all of the planets and the stars / Learn a language and the names of the stars
And teach myself how to play guitar, do seminars, and pen my memoirs

Now I am sat in my pants, slugging back wine
In a kind of trance, gone fully porcine

Turns out that my kids just drive me mad
And as for my wife oh, christ she nags
Close proximity should not be allowed
Do you actually have to blink so loud? You’re blinking so loud. You blink so loud.

I’m wasting my life on the internet
What was I googling? I forget

I’m sitting here staring at the wall
Wondering what is the purpose of it all?
Forgot to attend the conference call.
Can’t even watch sport. There’s no football. I’m doing sod all. My life’s mothballed.

Dreaming of all the things I’m going to do
When this coronavirus is through.

I am finally going to write a book
Learn how to mix cocktails and to cook
I am going to lose weight and get so fit
Spend some quality time with the wife and kids the wife and the kids my lovely kids

(Style of American Pie)
Not much time to go
Till from Quarantine we’re free / till we’re free from quarantine
That’s when I will know
That my problem’s really me.