They had wealth and fame All manner of success. What more could they have wished for? They were prince and princess. All they had to do Was smile and toe the line. Instead Meghan and Harry They just whinged and they whined. So the Queen kicked them out of the Royal Family They bollocksed it up! They bollocksed it up! They bollocksed it up! What’s become of Harry he must rue the day He ever met that woman and took on her ways. He bollocksed it up! Twas 1941 . Europe’s darkest hour The continent had fallen Under Nazi power America’d stayed out Britain was done for Consolidate his gains And Hitler’d won the war But then he went and invaded Russia. In winter. He bollocksed it up! He bollocksed it up! He bollocksed it up! If he hadn’t been so belligerent History could have been so different. He bollocksed it up! It was 2019. Johnson wins by miles. He gets out the EU With surprising style. All he has to do Is lower tax a bit Shrink the size of government And that was it. But instead he went and listened to his wife. He bollocksed it up! He bollocksed it up! He bollocksed it up! He’d no guiding philosophy No first principles so he was all at sea It happens sometimes. To all of us. Norns get in the way. You think you’ve got the hang of stuff, then things just slips away We bollocks it up ! We bollocks it up ! We bollocks it up! Heroes, emperors, gods and kings It’s not just you who makes a mess of things We bollocks it up!

Elvis is alive, So is Lady Di, George Bush Snr murdered JFK. Biden’s a paedophile, King Charles is a reptile, As for the moon landings they are fake . Chem trails in the sky, Michelle Obama is a guy. Greta Thunberg travels time and space. It’s all true. It’s all true. I wouldn’t lie to you. It’s all true. Trudeau’s Castro’s boy, The Clintons are both droids, The CIA made AIDS to please the Mob. Jay Z’s a satanist, Finland does not exist, 9-11 was an inside job. By alien consent We will have one-world government. Lizards run the world via Klaus Schwab. It’s all planned. It’s all planned. I heard it all first hand. It’s all planned. Covid was leaked, Your phone tracks your speech, They’re using the climate to steal your wealth. There are Russian spies, WMDs were a lie, Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself. Lots of it is true. Oh, what do you do? Who do you believe of whom beware? Leaders often lie. We want a reason why. Is it cock-up? Was it planned somewhere? We long for certainty, Even conspiracy. Chaos is a thought too much to bear. My good man, understand. Some of it is random. Some is planned.

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He loathes the patriarchy. He worships on the left. Despises right-wing bigots, He protects the NHS. He’s screaming at his enemies On the internet. He’s a social justice warrior. He fights for Black Lives Matter - For history he atones. He reads the Guardian every day He worships Owen Jones. Corbyn is his saviour He sometimes feels alone. He’s a social justice warrior. Look at how great he is … He smashes capitalism. He’s tweeting on his iPhone. He’s fighting climate change. He’s flying round the world by jet. He’s calling out all slavery. His clothes were made in sweatshops. Property’s exploitative. He’s got three buy-to-lets. He says we must be tolerant. The right are so offensive. Comedians must canceled, even if they make you laugh. He wants a ban on fossil fuels. It’s cold, turn up the heating. He listens to minorities. Well, speaks on their behalf. He thinks that maths is racist, but that you should trust the science. He wants to have diversity but not of point of view. Illegal migrants should be welcome, but not near where he lives. Close down all private schools, but not the one his kids go to. He wants free speech, but Katy Hopkins should not have a platform He’s anti-monarchy and Megan Markle should be crowned. He wants to see more women CEOs but not road sweepers. The right are always spewing hate. All Tories should be drowned Don’t judge on age or creed or race, you stupid fat old gammon. Cultural appropriation’s wrong. He’s got dreadlocks Free markets should be banned. We have to better living standards. Trans women can be women even if they have a cock. Jordan Peterson is dangerous And Thatcher was a witch. He once liked JK Rowling It turns out she is a bitch. The patriarchy is to blame The right are hypocrites. He is a social justice warrior.

They said he’s our new monarch And that we should all be proud. A figurehead of pomp and glory known the world around. But others say the royal family’s just so out of date. It perpetrates injustice, Inequality and hate. Undemocratic, unearned privilege, big ears bald head All that being said. Maybe King Charles is just a bit of a knob, A pawn in the empire of the globalist blob. On beauty he’s sound. On housing he’s found The right way to steer the nation. But on climate he’s lost He’s been brainwashed And muddled it with conservation. Maybe King Charles is just a bit of knob. They said she was formidable, A lady to admire. The Scottish Margaret Thatcher Full of balls and full of fire. All those English tyrants she would hold them to account. She’d have another referendum with lots of recounts. Just so brave, just so strong, such a success. Nonetheless Maybe Nicola Sturgeon’s really Burglar Bill. A socialist of the old school with her hands in the till. Power crazed, Praised and praised, She behaved like she was a genius. I cannot wait For her cell mate To be some bird with a penis. Maybe Nicola Sturgeon’s Burglar Bill. They said our nation once was great, our morals sound and pure. Full of brilliant people we built things that would endure. But something has gone wrong we seem to be falling apart. Our culture and our institutions rotten at their heart. Nothing works. We’ve lost our way. Long past our best. So I suggest. Maybe we should have let the Nazis win. They wouldn’t have stood for the state that we’re now in. The roads would work fine The trains be on time We’d all have a second language. Unemployment down, No stupid pronouns Hugo Boss clothing and luggage. Maybe we should have let the Nazis win.

I dream of a better future for Me and my family. Though mainly me. I’ll scheme with the rich and powerful. Life would be so easy. I wanna to be in the illuminati. How do you get into the club? I want an invite to an Epstein party Bet it’s even better than the pub. I want to formulate the new world order And join the nought point one percent. I really want to be a duke or lord or Baron in a one world government. They’re known to be prone to pedophilia. Their symbol’s a triangle with an eye. And with Satan they’re familiar 13 pure bloodlines. Yikes, how they like to harvest adrenalin And inject the blood of juveniles It is rumoured they are aliens Some form of reptile. Blessed, such success, is I guess why that some think they’re wizards But no, that’s not so, don’t you know they are shape-shifting lizards? I’ll sell my soul to the illuminati. For lots of glory, wealth and fame. To be a Rothschild a Du Pont a Berkeley I’ll do anything I have no shame. How do you get in the illuminati? Be like Madonna and Will Smith Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie? I applied and they replied, “as if”. I want to stop you all from reproducing. Impose population control. I’ll claim that human numbers need reducing, So Bill Gates can vaccinate the prols. I want to be in the same gang as Beyonce. With secret codes and hieroglyphs. I want go to Davos with the nonces. Sacrifice some babies with Sam Smith. I want to operate the banking system, Own all the assets and the land. I want to snigger while the plebs eat insects. Be in the Bilderberg Group And Hang out with former Nazis. Worship the Prince of Darkness. Control the Tory Party. Write songs with Paul McCartney. Be an illuminati man.

I remember once I tasted true love Love like you’ll never know. When I looked at her eyes, My heart would capsize. God did I love her so. We laughed, we danced, We were both entranced. It was magic, that’s no joke. I’ll never find better, I’ll never forget her. Though … maybe it was the coke. Maybe it was the coke Maybe it was the coke Maybe, maybe, Maybe, maybe It was about 30 years ago. And I was backpacking round Bolivia, which is the Saudi Arabia of cocaine. It was New Year's Eve. And I met this Argentinian girl and she was so beautiful. And we went on to have this 2-week affair. And then I never saw again. She went on to become a big star in Argentina. She was so beautiful. I think it was the most in love I've ever been. But maybe it was the coke. I remember once I was with two mates Sat on a bench by a pond. When up in the sky A spaceship flew by And hovered above and beyond. It beamed out a light Then rose up out of sight. There was a hum and a whoosh and a zoom. I said, "Lads, you see that?" They said, "Yes, for a fact." Though … maybe it was the shrooms. Maybe it was the shrooms. Maybe it was the shrooms. Maybe, maybe Maybe, maybe Maybe it was the shrooms. Cos the fact is we all saw the spaceship. Independently of each other. It was hovering over Barnes Reservoir. Nobody said anything. It was only when we were walking home, we turned to each other and said, “did you see that spaceship?” And we were all like, “yes”. But we’d taken magic mushrooms. Somebody once said to me that you need to have taken magic mushrooms in order to see UFOs in the first place. So do UFOs exist? We saw one. Though maybe it was the shrooms. I remember once We were on the brink. It looked like Armageddon was here. Death and disease The world on its knees. Panic, paranoia and fear. Financial despair, And chaos everywhere. Like a misery encyclopaedia. There seemed to be no hope, No way to cope. Though … maybe it was the media. Maybe it was the media. Maybe it was the media. Maybe, maybe Maybe, maybe Cos the fact the media sensationalises everything. They have to. It’s their business model. It’s how sell papers and get people to watch TV. It’s how journalists make a name for themselves. . When my dad died, I had endless conversations with the obituary writers - of like the Times proper newspapers - and they still got mistake after mistake. And I thought if I am putting this on a plate for you and you still can’t get it right, how likely is it that actual news gets reported accurately. One of them says terence Frisby leaves one heir - Dominic Cummings. And it’s so biased. 27 injured in peaceful protests. And who decided what stories they’re going to cover - that decision in itself is biased. The one thing that united left and right in this divided nation is the fact that the media is biased. Life is pretty good most of the time. We’ve got basics that Marie Antoinette could never have dreamed of. Life is good. So maybe it was the media.