I’ve fallen so in love with this girl
Her name is … Gary
My mates says say Gary isn’t actually a girl
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary
(Is this some kind of joke
Gary is a bloke)
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary

(This is just absurd
Gary’s not a bird)
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary

Gary likes football and quizzes and going down the pub
And in the summer time she hangs out at the cricket club
I’m wanna marry Gary
(She opens the batting
She looks like Mike Gatting)
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary
(Gary’s got a beard
You’re being very weird)
I don’t care
I wanna marry Gary

Gary’s having time off from her job. She’s a scaffolder
Cos at the weekend playing rugby, she dislocated her shoulder
(You’re having a laugh
Gary plays scrum half)
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary
(Gary’s not a dame
The clue is in his name)
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary

Gary likes steak and baked potato for her tea
And then she’ll watch a science programme on Discovery
I’m going to marry Gary
(Gary’s got a van
Gary is a man)
I don’t care
I want to marry Gary
(He’s got a hairy back
And a hairy sack)
I don’t care
I’m going to marry Gary


Gary says gender is nothing more than a social construct
My mates say Gary’s talking out of her rectal duct
I’m going to marry Gary
You’ll have a nasty shock
Gary’s got a cock
I don’t care
I’m going to marry Gary
(It’s not hard to tell
This will not end well)


I don’t care
I’m going to marry Gary
(we’ve been here before
Several times before)
I don’t care
There was your girlfriend Barry
I don’t care
And then before that Harry
I don’t care
And what became of Larry?
I don’t care
Gary, Gary, Gary.

FIN